HOLY CRAPtain american....

I know time goes by fast, but it baffles me to think that 4 years have gone by since my dad pasted away. There are still many unresolved issues and emotions, but one of the best things to come out of it was how my mother, sister and I became closer. We were just like any other typical Asian family, who didnt really talk about emotions, kept to ourselves, and didn't have that have that close relationship with one another.

Growin up, I sincerely had a tunnel perspective on my parents, and never was able to see
them as individuals; as people who hurt just as I did, who laughed and experienced joy as I did. It wasnt until that evening 4 years ago, where my world opened to not only the true reality of things, but also the surreal nature of having a parent pass away. It was the 1st time that I had ever, ever, EVER seen my mother cry, and that alone was an experience I will carry to my dying day. It was one of the most heart shattering feeling that had ever overcame me, and I think for anyone to see you're parent express such an human emotion, alters your way of seeing them. I have grown a deeper appreciation and love for her and all I ever wish for her is to find her path to happiness again. I think we are all on our path to find our happiness again amongst this haze of sadness, confusion and unanswered questions.

If there was one thing, well mostly two; Ok, lets say two things that i want someone to take from my fathers passing, is;
1. Smoking drastically decreases your chances of life expectancy.
2. Appreciate and love your parents and express genuine affection, because you never know when you may last see, talk, touch or hear them

OK just kidding 3 points.....

3. if you have a broken relationship with a parent,make attempts to try and mend your relationship!

The last one i hold dearest to me. I say this because my relationship with my dad was not a very close one. I think many of my relationship issues root from him and much of my anger stemmed from him not being around. It was  never my reality for my dad to be there at my concerts or swim meets. He would always be out, out late til 2-3in the morning and some weeks I would not see him.The biggest regret that i still hold on to was how I left the conversation with my dad.  My last conversation with my dad was over the phone; so angry at him, I just hung up on him without say goodbye. If I could take that conversation back,  I would tell him that  loved him and that I wish that we could have worked on our relationship. What hurts the most was to know that although spoke to him unkindly, that he still loved me and was proud that I was his son.

I can only hope that if you have any issues with your parents, that you make attempts to resolve the problems so that you can mend any emotion wounds and build that solid foundation for a happy relationship. If it does not work out like you had hoped, at the end of the day you tried and thats all we can ever ask of ourselves.


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